A Safe and Healthy Honeymoon

Being a health & safety professional I feel it is incumbent upon me to pass along important information that can keep you safe, not just at work but in all areas of your lives. For this reason I'd like to touch on a hazardous situation that many of us take for granted. Often we are ignorant of or outright choose to disregard the dangers of this insidious threat. The activity I'm referring to is...the Honeymoon.

Yes. I said Honeymoon.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have published a "Healthy Bride" feature on their website. Those of you planning a wedding should read this. If you have friends or loved ones who are in the stressful process of planning a wedding, share this link. The document is brief but full of valuable information that could get a marriage started without injury or illness. As an example, the experts at CDC have this to say about preparing for your honeymoon:

"Whether it's by car, plane, train, ship or foot, take steps to stay safe and healthy during your honeymoon. Plan ahead. To lower your risk for illness and injury, check health scores for cruise ships; learn about common diseases for the area if traveling abroad; get vaccinations; and pack and use sunscreen, insect repellent, and appropriate safety gear for activities (such as helmets, life jackets, and knee pads)."

(Hey, I'm just sayin'.)

If you don't believe me, click on the link and read it for yourself.

What the CDC does not say is that this is also an excellent time in your relationship to practice open and honest communication skills with your spouse-to-be. Ladies, in order to avoid any later misunderstandings or problems you should have a discussion about realistic expectations, anticipated activities, what you are packing in preparation for those activities and why. The reason for this is simple. If a guy about to go on his honeymoon walks past his wife-to-be as she's packing and sees helmets, life jackets, and knee pads there will likely be one of two reactions.

1. He's going to get REALLY excited


2. He's going to get REALLY nervous

Number 1 could lead to unrealistic expectations (okay, maybe they're not unrealistic - go you!), misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Number 2 could lead to unrealistic expectations, misunderstandings and hurt feelings, and performance anxiety. Either situation should be avoided during one's honeymoon and for that matter during one's marriage.

So folks, remember to include what happens beyond the actual wedding day in the planning and preparation. And NEVER forget the importance of communication before, during and after the wedding. It can up your chances of not only still being together 25 years from now but of still needing to pack helmets, life jackets, and knee pads...if you know what I mean.

Have a safe, healthy, and very happy wedding, honeymoon, and life together. And pack appropriately.

Sex and Intimacy

There's an interesting discussion going on over at The Simple Marriage Project. Corey Allan put up a blog post yesterday and posed this question to his readers : What's the difference between intimacy and sex? He's gotten a lot of interesting responses. Below is my comment to his post.

I don't think you can say sex isn't intimate. Even if it's "meaningless" purely physical sex. BUT...by itself it is just physical intimacy. And that is a small piece of the total package. And you can most certainly have intimacy WITHOUT sex.

As humans we are not purely physical beings. We are a combination of physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual. Personally, I think one can, to varying degrees, be intimate in each of those areas. To have a truly, completely intimate relationship with someone I think you have to be intimate in ALL of those areas. It has to be a blending, a balancing of all of those areas and I believe the balance is somewhat fluid and changes (or should change) depending on the needs of the relationship (and the partners in it) at the time.

I think this is where we run into trouble sometimes. Men AND women fall into stereotypical roles, because that's what we're taught or for some other personal reasons, and those roles cause us to focus on one of those areas and neglect the others which leads to the person and the relationship being out of balance. Then you're put into the cycle of needs not being met, lack of communication, and resentment.

Real intimacy is opening yourself up on all levels to the other person and showing that you trust them to know you and love you for who you really are. The warts, scars, fears, insecurities, emotions, passions, beliefs, and on and on. The true intimacy and trust, the true union, happens when the other party returns it in kind. They open themselves to you just as thoroughly.

Like so many other things, finding balance is key. And what is the right balance for me may not be right for you. For that matter what's right for me today may not be right tomorrow. It takes work and attention to figure it out. There's no easy fix. And even if things are running great it still takes work to keep it that way.

Corey has a great blog on marriage and relationships going over there. You should check him out.