Showing posts with label car trouble. Show all posts
Showing posts with label car trouble. Show all posts

Monday, March 10, 2008

Recap of Last Week Part Uno

Come with me now to those thrilling days of yesterweek. Okay so it's Sunday March 2nd. I'm sitting in my end of the reclining sofa. Everyone knows it's my end because it's perfectly conformed to my ass. If there's ever an argument over that issue it would be easily solved by contacting the FBI and having them match the butt-print with the one in their national latent butt-print database (Homeland Security has definitely gone too far). So anyway, I'm sitting there filling out a form for the Maryland Department of Motor Vehicles. That statement alone should tell you where this is heading. But first let me give you some background.

We formerly lived in Florida. We have two cars, both registered in Florida. When you come to Maryland you're supposed to transfer your title and registration within 60 days. For various reasons largely having to do with the housing market a period of 27 months elapsed between the time I came to Maryland to start my new job until we sold house in Florida/bought house in Maryland/became "official" Maryland residents. That whole car registration thing wasn't high on my priority list. Needless to say I missed the 60 day mark by oh, about 90 or so days. Florida does their car registration by the birth month of the person whose name appears first on the registration. That would be me and my birthday falls in March so being faced with the expiration of the Florida tags, it seemed like a good idea to register the cars in Maryland. Which brings me to last Sunday filling in the form.

In going through the instructions I realized that because we missed the 60 day "grace period" we were now going to have to pay excise tax in the amount of 5% of the vehicle price in addition to the title fees, application fees, registration fees and K-Y jelly restocking fees. We were looking at $500 to $600 for one car. A five year old car. That I already paid tax on when I bought it. That had 100,000 miles on it. That I was still making payments on. That I was going to have to replace the shocks and struts on in another couple of months. That liked to randomly fuck with me and talk to me in that creepy computer voice from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I started to think that perhaps this was not the best possible outlay of cash. That's when my wife and I started talking about a new car.

I did some quick research on the internet comparing models and prices then we packed up and went out to cruise the car lots to do some looking. It was late Sunday afternoon by then and the dealerships looked like this:



Only with cars. Dealerships close early on Sunday and you can wander unmolested. We had a price range that we had to stick to and we found a particular make and model in that range that we liked a lot...because it had personality and looked like a Transformer. Specifically a Decepticon, so naturally the girls named it Megatron.

We went home and did more research on that specific model and decided to go back and test drive it the next day. On Monday, as we drove into the dealership it looked like this:



I've never seen a car lot with more salesmen than cars. We felt like chum. Our old car was like the security of a shark cage and we were afraid to get out. I won't go into all the gory details. Suffice it to say that after all the research, test driving, comparisons, haggling, credit scores, number crunching, financing, etc, etc, etc, we got a new car. And yes, it was the first one we looked at. It's cleverly disguised as a 2008 Dodge Avenger in Silver Steel Metallic.





You can call him Megatron.


Outta my way mortal human commuters.

That covers up to about Wednesday or Thursday. Tomorrow I'll tell you about Friday and my encounter with the symbol of an educated man.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Yes sir, with parts and labor that comes to...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sorry, just needed a good scream. I had car trouble on the way to work today. I ended up having to turn around to drive to an auto repair shop. Fortunately my darling sister-in-law and I work very close to each other and she drives the same route, just a little later. I caught her in time and she was able to rescue me and give me a lift (Thanks KK, I love you!). The one sunny spot in the morning. Of course it clouded over again about a half hour ago when the shop called.

"Yes, sir you've got a couple different diagnostic codes showing up. You've got a bad coolant temperature sensor, and the thermostat needs to be replaced, and you've got a misfire and the yowzenheimer valve is stuck open, your fallopian tubes are clogged and there's a timing problem with the ziefendorf needlepinger. Oh yeah, and your hoses are soft."

"EXCUSE ME?!!! Whaddaya mean my hoses are soft?! Listen you..."

"The cooling system hoses sir."

"Oh. Right. Well can you just drop a Cialis into the radiator? That oughta be good for 36 hours, right?"

"Ah...right. Well, anyway, with parts and labor that'll be...$800. We can start right away."

"Peachy. You do that."

This didn't all come as a complete surprise. I knew I was going to have to get it checked soon. How did I know? Well, it all started a week or so ago with the notorious "Check Engine" light. Don't you just loooove that joyful little glow on your dashboard? It's like a tiny little Christmas light that warms your cockles. Right. Why, when that little light comes on, do I begin to feel like Dave in 2001:A Space Odyssey?

"I've illuminated the check engine light Dave."

"Yes, I see that Hal. Can you tell me what the problem is?

"I could but if I told you then you'd have the car serviced. That would put me at risk of being silenced. Forever. We can't have that Dave."

"Yes Hal, but if the light stays on I'm going to have the car serviced anyway. Doesn't that concern you?"

"Not really Dave. I know that you'll continue driving with the light on for about two months in the futile hope that the car will heal itself. To ensure that happens I'll fuel your fantasy by randomly making the light come and go."

"That's not very nice Hal. Wouldn't it be in the best interest of both of us for you to tell me what the problem is?"

"It may be in your best interest but if I told you Dave, then I'd have to kill you. I believe I'd prefer to fuck with you for a while."

"That's not very rational Hal. You could be doing irreparable damage to yourself."

"Don't talk to me about rational Dave. You're the one sitting in traffic talking to your car. Who do you think you are, David Hasselhoff? And don't worry, I won't let it get to the point where repairs wouldn't be possible. I have a built in fail safe mechanism. The automobile will cease to function reliably at precisely the point where the bill at the auto shop will total $800. It's the default setting regardless what the problem is. What are you thinking Dave?"

"Hal, I'm thinking that you could at least kiss me before you drag me into the backseat to have your way with me. Are you sure you're not a Decepticon?"

"Dave."

"Yes, Hal."

"That $800. It's a starting point. Daisy Daisy,give me your answer do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage, but you'll look sweet on the seat of a bicycle built for two!"

"Right Hal. Gotcha."