Monday, March 10, 2008

Recap of Last Week Part Uno

Come with me now to those thrilling days of yesterweek. Okay so it's Sunday March 2nd. I'm sitting in my end of the reclining sofa. Everyone knows it's my end because it's perfectly conformed to my ass. If there's ever an argument over that issue it would be easily solved by contacting the FBI and having them match the butt-print with the one in their national latent butt-print database (Homeland Security has definitely gone too far). So anyway, I'm sitting there filling out a form for the Maryland Department of Motor Vehicles. That statement alone should tell you where this is heading. But first let me give you some background.

We formerly lived in Florida. We have two cars, both registered in Florida. When you come to Maryland you're supposed to transfer your title and registration within 60 days. For various reasons largely having to do with the housing market a period of 27 months elapsed between the time I came to Maryland to start my new job until we sold house in Florida/bought house in Maryland/became "official" Maryland residents. That whole car registration thing wasn't high on my priority list. Needless to say I missed the 60 day mark by oh, about 90 or so days. Florida does their car registration by the birth month of the person whose name appears first on the registration. That would be me and my birthday falls in March so being faced with the expiration of the Florida tags, it seemed like a good idea to register the cars in Maryland. Which brings me to last Sunday filling in the form.

In going through the instructions I realized that because we missed the 60 day "grace period" we were now going to have to pay excise tax in the amount of 5% of the vehicle price in addition to the title fees, application fees, registration fees and K-Y jelly restocking fees. We were looking at $500 to $600 for one car. A five year old car. That I already paid tax on when I bought it. That had 100,000 miles on it. That I was still making payments on. That I was going to have to replace the shocks and struts on in another couple of months. That liked to randomly fuck with me and talk to me in that creepy computer voice from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I started to think that perhaps this was not the best possible outlay of cash. That's when my wife and I started talking about a new car.

I did some quick research on the internet comparing models and prices then we packed up and went out to cruise the car lots to do some looking. It was late Sunday afternoon by then and the dealerships looked like this:

Only with cars. Dealerships close early on Sunday and you can wander unmolested. We had a price range that we had to stick to and we found a particular make and model in that range that we liked a lot...because it had personality and looked like a Transformer. Specifically a Decepticon, so naturally the girls named it Megatron.

We went home and did more research on that specific model and decided to go back and test drive it the next day. On Monday, as we drove into the dealership it looked like this:

I've never seen a car lot with more salesmen than cars. We felt like chum. Our old car was like the security of a shark cage and we were afraid to get out. I won't go into all the gory details. Suffice it to say that after all the research, test driving, comparisons, haggling, credit scores, number crunching, financing, etc, etc, etc, we got a new car. And yes, it was the first one we looked at. It's cleverly disguised as a 2008 Dodge Avenger in Silver Steel Metallic.

You can call him Megatron.

Outta my way mortal human commuters.

That covers up to about Wednesday or Thursday. Tomorrow I'll tell you about Friday and my encounter with the symbol of an educated man.


Caitlin said...

Oh my really does look like Megatron...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i think i want to see my butt print. hell, that's a GREAT idea..

*walks over to xerox machine*

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Cait, I didn't realize just how close until I had those pictures side by side.

TM, I somehow think that yours in definitely on file. Will the Xerox copy be on your blog tomorrow?

Vicki said...

Love your new Megatron. The pics were great too! I'm left wondering how the haggling went with the salesperson.

Kitty said...

Will the car be called 'Meg' for short? I don't know whether you have the same ads we do here, but here there is one for the Citroen C4 which actually turns into a transformer - it's the coolest ad.

I enjoyed up to Weds/Thurs ... can't wait for the rest.


Bruce, a work in progress said...

Vicki, to be honest the haggling is Leslie's job. When they start talking money is when I turn into arm candy - look pretty and keep my mouth shut.

Kitty, no I haven't seen that. Of course we don't have Citroen's here. Sounds cool, I'll have to search the web and see if I can find it. Stay tuned.

Mike said...

Wow, a Dodge Megatron. I always wanted one of my very own.

Sharp car Bruce and I don't blame you for paying for a new car instead of that stupid tax. Michigan has similar laws which I routinely choose to ignore. So far no consequences.

Malicious Intent said...

I hate shopping for cars. I will drive a car into the ground before I am forced to get a new one. I just hate it andhave little care of what I drive so long as I get from point A to point B in one piece and within a reasonable amount of time. I also drive a stick shift, so this sucker should last something close to forever with proper care. Good luck and I loved the story of the symbol of an educated man, so I cannot wait to read part two.

Malach the Merciless said...

Watch out for those Decepticons, they are bastards

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha Brucie! I hate looking for cars too.

meggie said...

I recognized the car lot in the Monday version.
I am glad you have evaded that tax, which is stealing by any other name.
Can't wait for the next instalment.

Liza said...

Congrats on the new Megatron. I usually shop from Toyota, but the Dodge looks pretty awesome.

Colonel Colonel said...

That is one cool car but, like MI, I will only drive a stick, and for business reasons will only drive a hatchback. Since apparently they don't manufacture either manual transmission or hatchbacks any more, I guess I am stuck with my current 13-year old 2-door.