Okay, now take them apart because you're going to need one of them. It's...
National Masturbation Month!!!
That's right everyone, back in 1995 the good folks at Good Vibrations (a great Internet merchant with excellent customer service and yes I know from personal experience) declared the lusty month of May then and forever hence to be National Masturbation Month. No, I'm not pulling your...er...leg or yanking your chain. That's for you to do this month.
Here's a Men's Health Magazine blog post that provides links to articles describing all sorts of health benefits and other good things that can happen to you if you regularly choke the chicken, spank the monkey or otherwise manually abuse members of the animal kingdom in a figurative sense. Of course folks like George Michael and Pee Wee Herman know that some bad things can happen too but hey in masturbation, just as in Real Estate, the three most important things to remember are location, location, location.
I'm not just talking to the men here ladies, fear not. This is not a guys only celebration, you deserve some recognition too. Go on. Give yourselves a hand. and if that hand happens to have a little vibratory assistance so much the better.
I wonder if I can talk the people running our wellness program into sponsoring some special activities at work. It would be a lot more productive that most of the meeting I attend and there would probably be less yanking.
In any case I truly hope that this special month is widely observed. This country and indeed, the whole world needs to lighten up. Stimulate the economy by spending some of that tax rebate check on lube and tissues. Fly solo or even better, grab a friend (with their permission of course) and let's see everyone cheerful and grinning like idiots on June 1st!
This seemed somehow appropriate. I don't particularly care for this version of Camelot but it's all I could find. Tra La!