Thursday, May 1, 2008

Everybody Put Your Hands Together

Okay, now take them apart because you're going to need one of them. It's...



National Masturbation Month!!!




That's right everyone, back in 1995 the good folks at Good Vibrations (a great Internet merchant with excellent customer service and yes I know from personal experience) declared the lusty month of May then and forever hence to be National Masturbation Month. No, I'm not pulling your...er...leg or yanking your chain. That's for you to do this month.




Here's a Men's Health Magazine blog post that provides links to articles describing all sorts of health benefits and other good things that can happen to you if you regularly choke the chicken, spank the monkey or otherwise manually abuse members of the animal kingdom in a figurative sense. Of course folks like George Michael and Pee Wee Herman know that some bad things can happen too but hey in masturbation, just as in Real Estate, the three most important things to remember are location, location, location.




I'm not just talking to the men here ladies, fear not. This is not a guys only celebration, you deserve some recognition too. Go on. Give yourselves a hand. and if that hand happens to have a little vibratory assistance so much the better.



I wonder if I can talk the people running our wellness program into sponsoring some special activities at work. It would be a lot more productive that most of the meeting I attend and there would probably be less yanking.

In any case I truly hope that this special month is widely observed. This country and indeed, the whole world needs to lighten up. Stimulate the economy by spending some of that tax rebate check on lube and tissues. Fly solo or even better, grab a friend (with their permission of course) and let's see everyone cheerful and grinning like idiots on June 1st!




This seemed somehow appropriate. I don't particularly care for this version of Camelot but it's all I could find. Tra La!





20 comments:

Colonel Colonel said...

I can't wait for George Bush to sign the Official Proclamation in the Rose Garden.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

And Col., I could not think of a more appropriate, nor effective spokesman than Dubya.

Hungry Mother said...

Prostate willing, I'll do my part.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

HM, that sounds like a good name for a band. Prostate Willing.

Kitty said...

A post I couldn't just lurk for, but had to comment. Thanks for the link ;-) x

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Very very happy to see you unlurk. I can't wait till you're lurking no more.

At least now I know what bait to use to draw you out. ;-)

I hope you and the smalls are doing well.

Kitty said...

What other bait would one use for a saucy strumpet? :-D

We're ok thanks - hope to be back blogging fairly soon. I miss it :-( And all my bloggy friends.

x

Malicious Intent said...

First, we all miss Kitty, and we all know she aint' all that innocent...but nice cover!

So you are telling me that my Autism Awareness Month (April) is followed by National Masterbation Month? Awesome! I think all of us parents working our asses off past few months need a new awareness month that does not require me yanking out my chainsaw. Yanking something else out might work nicely for a change. Already called hubby to pick up milk and bread on the way home, guess I best call him again before he gets here to make another stop.

Malach the Merciless said...

YAY! Masturbation and Middle Ages Musial Orgies! My kind of Holiday! Camelot is a fave of my Parents, I am going to suprise with a vid tonight!

Mike said...

But Bruce, I thought every month was National Masturbation Month.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

MI, ever so much better than whipping out the chainsaw.

That's great Mal. I'm glad I hit on a good combination for you. Several years back I was lucky enough to see Richard Harris onstage in Camelot. It was outdoors and it was unseasonable freezing. He kept making jokes about the cold all through the show. It was great.

Mike, only in some places. Like Washington, DC.

Hey everybody, if I'm more scarce than usual for a few days it's because I'm in Florida. We had to come down to get my daughter out of college for the summer and decided to bring the whole family and do a mini-vacation visiting family and doing Disney for a couple of days. I'll bore you with pictures of rodents next week.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

hmmm i like this better than "may day"... this at least sounds like it could accomplish something worthwhile!

Liza said...

I find out the best info from you Bruce. What holiday month will they think up next? Hope you and your family have a wonderful time in FL.

BBC said...

Masturbation is my friend, has been for years. It's better than dealing with and trying to please the insane chicks, especially the empire builders.

PROJECT UPDATE

BBC said...

I have a 'Cyberskin' vagina, best fifty bucks I've spent in years, less than the cost of one date where I wouldn't even get laid.

Crashdummie said...

hahah okie dokie, i suppose there are many ways of welcoming spring :)

Biscuit said...

Raise your hand if you want to attend the Masturbatathon! *raises hand*

Malicious Intent said...

Uh, when you are done masterbating...you are very behind on your worshipping duties.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I think this should be celebrated every month!

Malicious Intent said...

Drop the lube now! You had your vacation, back to worshiping!

Sheesh, what does a Goddess have to do to get any attention around here?

Hope you had a nice trip!