Sex and Intimacy

There's an interesting discussion going on over at The Simple Marriage Project. Corey Allan put up a blog post yesterday and posed this question to his readers : What's the difference between intimacy and sex? He's gotten a lot of interesting responses. Below is my comment to his post.

I don't think you can say sex isn't intimate. Even if it's "meaningless" purely physical sex. BUT...by itself it is just physical intimacy. And that is a small piece of the total package. And you can most certainly have intimacy WITHOUT sex.

As humans we are not purely physical beings. We are a combination of physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual. Personally, I think one can, to varying degrees, be intimate in each of those areas. To have a truly, completely intimate relationship with someone I think you have to be intimate in ALL of those areas. It has to be a blending, a balancing of all of those areas and I believe the balance is somewhat fluid and changes (or should change) depending on the needs of the relationship (and the partners in it) at the time.

I think this is where we run into trouble sometimes. Men AND women fall into stereotypical roles, because that's what we're taught or for some other personal reasons, and those roles cause us to focus on one of those areas and neglect the others which leads to the person and the relationship being out of balance. Then you're put into the cycle of needs not being met, lack of communication, and resentment.

Real intimacy is opening yourself up on all levels to the other person and showing that you trust them to know you and love you for who you really are. The warts, scars, fears, insecurities, emotions, passions, beliefs, and on and on. The true intimacy and trust, the true union, happens when the other party returns it in kind. They open themselves to you just as thoroughly.

Like so many other things, finding balance is key. And what is the right balance for me may not be right for you. For that matter what's right for me today may not be right tomorrow. It takes work and attention to figure it out. There's no easy fix. And even if things are running great it still takes work to keep it that way.

Corey has a great blog on marriage and relationships going over there. You should check him out.

Can I Hear An Amen!

Now here is a church that I can really get behind. So to speak.

Baptists. Who knew?

What's Your Sign...Was It Good For You?

After Sex Comments by Astrological Sun Sign:

Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"

Taurus: "I'm hungry--pass the pizza."

Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"

Cancer: "When are we getting married?"

Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"

Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."

Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."

Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."

Sagittarius: "Don't call me--I'll call you."

Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"

Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"

Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

FU*KIN' A!

Everyone including me complains regularly about the avalanche of bad news that we're buried under everyday. Well, I'm here to tell you that there is good news out there. It doesn't often get the headlines and it's not on page one but it's there if you look for it. Take some of the reports on scientific studies related to health for example. Now, I have a background in science and I understand what goes into conducting some of these studies so I don't swallow what they're saying hook, line and sinker. I apply some healthy skepticism and take them with a grain of salt, especially when the popular media is the messenger. But, there is some promising news. For instance, it turns out that coffee is actually good for you when you drink it in moderation. So is regular consumption of alcohol if you don't do it to excess. Meditation, whether formal or informal (as in downtime) does wonders to relieve stress which in turn has all sorts of benefits. Being married (to the right person) reduces heart disease and several other ailments. Sex is good for you (imagine that - must've been a government funded study). It makes you happy, boosts your immune system, lowers your stress level, releases endorphins and burns calories. I love this one...too much exercise can be bad for you. Until they can tell me how much is too much I'm going to hold off on doing any. I wouldn't want to inadvertently cross that line.

Just when I thought the news couldn't get any better for a coffee-loving, alcohol-drinking, sex-loving, exercise-hating, happily married slug like me I find this story on the internet:

Swearing at work 'boosts team spirit, morale'

Son-of-a-bitch! Sounds to me like scientists are beginning to figure out that being a normal person is healthy. A couple of weeks ago I blogged about balance and the dose being the poison. Not exactly a new concept. I'm waiting for a study that says being a Puritan makes your head explode.

If you'll excuse me I have to go curse at a co-worker for taking the last cup of coffee. Then I'm going to sit at my desk and meditate about going home this evening, kissing my darling wife and having a cold beer. After that I'll see if I can get her in the mood to boost her immune system. Damn, life is good.