If Only It Weren't True

Just a quick funny. Or maybe not.


A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, 'I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.' I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.'

'Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car.'

A Friday Joke For Half-Wits

Sorry I wasn't around much yesterday. It was my wife's birthday and I took yesterday and today off from work. Yesterday, to stay home and pamper her and fulfill her every fantasy, today because we're leaving to spend a weekend away together. Needless to say, I won't be around much this weekend either. I didn't have anything in particular for today but I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. So...I went through my email joke folder and I'll leave you with this, courtesy of a friend (thanks Bill).

A man owned a small farm in Georgia. The Georgia State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

" That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," said the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

Have a great weekend!

A Quiz and a Bonus Joke

Here's a short quiz that was reportedly given to "professionals" at Andersen Consulting Worldwide. The questions are not that difficult. I'll post the answers tomorrow.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend
except one. Which animal does not attend?

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do
you manage it?


And since we're testing professional and problem solving skills here's a joke involving a creative sales pitch.

Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty one day.

Boudreaux's first assignment was to a military induction center, and because he was a good talker they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

Before long, the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance.

This was odd, because it would cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month more for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge.

The Captain decided that he would not ask Boudreaux directly about his selling techniques, but instead he would sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch.

Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, "If you has da normal GI insurans an' you goes to Iraq an' gets youself killed, da governmen' pays you beneficiary $20,000. If you takes out da supplemental insurans, which cost you only t'irty dollars a mons, den da the governmen' gots ta pay you beneficiary $200,000!"

"NOW," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Iraq first."

A Serious Dilemma

This is a serious test of your cognitive and decision-making skills. Good Luck.



You are driving in a car at a constant speed.



On your left side is a drop off - The ground is approximately 20 inches below the level you are traveling on.



On your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.



In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.



Behind you is a galloping zebra.



Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you.



What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?



To see if you are correct, look below for the answer...

Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round.

Happy Friday!