Monday, February 16, 2009

Dear Penthouse Forum...


...I spent Valentine's night in a hotel room in Atlantic City with my wife and two of her sisters.


You see, the one sister had a birthday last week and the other sister decided to take her to Atlantic City to gamble and celebrate. They then decided it would be a great idea for my wife and I to go with them. She already had a complimentary room reserved and it was plenty big enough for four. We thought, sure, why not.


I'll pause here to allow the mow-chicka-mow-mow soundtrack to play and your fantasies to run wild.


And now back to our regularly scheduled reality. If you refer to the picture above the tower on the right is where we slept, the tower on the left (Bally's) is where we lost our money. The fact is, neither my wife nor I are big gamblers. Not that it's not fun but being broke and all kinda hinders your ability to fully enjoy it. We limited ourselves to the absolute minimum we were willing to lose and as a result after about an hour or two in the casino we didn't really have much to do. So, while my sisters-in-law gambled Leslie and I went back to the room and celebrated Valentine's Day with an in room picnic and a bottle of wine. And the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door.

We were treated to an absolutely fabulous dinner by friends of my sister-in-law who frequent AC. Then it was back to the casino for them and back to the room for us. It wasn't too long before the gambling girls decided on an early night and returned to the room themselves. Bedtime. For the four of us. Anyone who has read this blog for a while will recall that I have sleep apnea and use a CPAP machine and mask at night. I decided to spare everyone the very annoying cycle of SNORE-SLIENCE-GASP by bringing the machine along. So there we were. Three beautiful women. And me. With a fighter pilot mask strapped to my head breathing like Darth Vader. Hot. Oh so hot.


I'll pause once again to allow the mow-chicka-mow-mow soundtrack to play and your fantasies to run wild.


And then it was morning. My sisters-in-law got up early to hit the blackjack tables again while Les and I took our time packing up. We joined them in the casino where they finally succeeded in talking Leslie into joining them at the table and giving blackjack a try. They felt sorry for me and gave me some money. Mainly I think it was because they didn't want me standing around behind them sucking all the luck out of the room. I went off to get us checked out of the room then I proceeded to donate the money I had just been given to the dealer at the Three Card Poker table. Julio was very grateful.

After cashing in their chips and a eating nice lunch we summoned our car from the valet and headed home. On the ride home I got to have a flash forward and see what my middle and youngest daughters will be like as adults. SHUT UP! NO, YOU SHUT UP! NO. YOU SHUT UP. Stop touching me. Stupid. I'm not stupid, bitch. Are we there yet?

I was also reminded just how much I love spending time with my wife and the sisters I always wanted.


Malach the Merciless said...

This is better than Redtube!

Kitty said...


Bruce, a work in progress said...

Sorry Mal, I won't be uploading any videos.

Why Miss Kitty, you bring new life to that tired old 1970's adult movie music score. ;-)

Francesca said...

That was PERFECT! Oh life, destroyer of all soundtracks, smellier than surround sound and better than fiction. Always.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Hi Francesca. I have to tell you, I was browsing around looking for people to follow on twitter when I stumbled upon you. What cinched the deal was your bio...where you said you were a theater geek. I read no further and immediately clicked follow. Welcome fellow theater geek!

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