It Seems I Woke Up in the Twilight Zone

In spite of being in a delightful state of mind when I went to bed last night I had a horrible night's sleep. I have sleep apnea and go to bed every night with a CPAP contraption strapped to my head (explanatory blog post to come). Some nights are better than others and last night sucked. So right out of the box the morning was looking none too sunny. Then I peeked outside and found that it was literally none too sunny. In fact it's raining. Ya'll know how I feel about my morning commute and rain (actually weather, doesn't really matter what flavor) just makes it worse.

So, on the TWO HOUR ride into work this morning I started flipping around the radio dial and ended up on NPR listening to Morning Edition. Congress...blah, blah, blah. Debates...blah, blah, blah. War funding, President Bush, Primaries...blah, blah, blah. A teenager in Europe is arrested and charged with the theft of $58,000 worth of virtual furniture that doesn't exist...blah, blah...WHAT?! WTF did he just say? Yeah, I heard it right. A teen in Europe who plays, lives, games, whatever, in one of those virtual online communities where you buy credits to spend in your fake little world apparently "stole" $58,000 worth of imaginary furniture and gave it to his imaginary online friends. He was then arrested by the real police and placed in a real jail. You can go to jail for stealing something that doesn't exist. Who knew? Hopefully he can imagine himself and his virtual friends in a more pleasant virtual place when his new actual friend Sven offers to establish a new broadband connection for him in the actual shower.

So after the commute to work (did I mention it was TWO HOURS?) I get some coffee, fire up the computer and start my routine. When what to my wondering eyes should appear but this fucking ridiculous story about Santa Claus! Santas Warned 'ho ho ho' Offensive to Women. Oh you read it right. This is going on in Sydney, Australia BUT, the recruitment firm that is hiring the army of Santas - Westaff - is from the US. Unfortunately, since we seem to be the world leaders in idiocy, that probably explains it.

I'm seriously considering going home and going back to bed. Sheesh.

Bubble-Wrapped Kids

Okay I did the whole thing on hugs and political correctness and declining social contact yesterday. I was planning to move on today. I really was. But then I got my coffee, opened my browser, started to check the morning news...and got hit with this:

Girl, 13, gets detention for hugging two friends

Megan Coulter (ironically I mentioned Ann Coulter yesterday in one of my comments - to my knowledge they are not related) put her arm around the shoulders of two girlfriends to say goodbye for the weekend and she got slapped with two days of detention, one for each girl hugged.

Here is the actual wording of the policy from their student handbook:

“Displays of affection should not occur on the school campus at any time. It is in poor taste, reflects poor judgment, and brings discredit to the school and to the persons involved.”

Displays of affection are in poor taste...and brings discredit...to the person involved. Yep. That's the road we're heading down.

School District Superintendent Sam McGowen thinks the policy and the penalty is fair. What's the matter Sam, mom didn't hug you when you were a kid? Haven't worked that out in your therapy yet? Okay, group hug for Sam everybody.

Look, don't get me wrong. I'm a father. I'm not advocating that middle school students should be allowed to grope and make out in the hallways (or anywhere else for that matter), but putting your arm around a friend's shoulder? This blind, mindless, unquestioning adherence to these zero-tolerance policies has got to stop. What message are we sending the kids? We're certainly not doing them any favors by isolating and enfeebling them. We're going to end up with a crop of socially awkward, emotionally stunted adults unable to cope with real-life situations and interactions. They won't be able to converse with someone but boy howdy, will they ever be able to pass standardized tests for math & science. And unthinking, uncaring blind adherence and zero-tolerance is not just in our schools. Can anyone say "Homeland Security"? I've always known that common sense isn't common but when did this country stop thinking altogether? When did it stop feeling? 9/11 was a terrible life-altering event that frightened us and put us into shock. Instead of recovering from that shock we've allowed ourselves to slip into a coma. The time to wake up is long overdue. It's time to start practicing some zero-tolerance on the ridiculous, asinine, insane, arrogant, illegal, unconstitutional, and reprehensible acts that are taking place here everyday.

In "The Time Machine" H.G.Wells wrote about a future where mankind evolved into two classes. One the pastoral, innocent, docile Eloi who frolicked and played and didn't have to think for themselves. The other class was the aggressive, violent but intelligent Morlocks who bred the Eloi as livestock...AND ATE THEM. I've never felt comfortable being part of a flock.

How 'Bout a Cuddle Love?

This BBC video reports that "Texting" along with one of my favorite subjects (can you detect heavy sarcasm?) "Political Correctness" are among reasons being blamed for people not getting enough cuddles. "Cuddles" is their word (it's the BBC and it sounds kinda cute with the accent) but if you're more comfortable we can call them hugs.

I hope everyone can see the irony in using an impersonal electronic medium to deliver the message about impersonal electronic media contributing to the decline of actual and desperately needed human contact. Together with rampant over-reactionism and rising puritanism this will have us self-flagellating in stone cells, donning hair-shirts and communicating by scribing 21st century hieroglyphic emoticons on plasma screens with papyrus backgrounds. The only live human contact will be with the UPS guy delivering food that you bought from Ebazon.com.

Hugging is an underrated and under appreciated form of expression and contact. In perusing the internet I found dozens of stories covering the health benefits of hugging. There was even one on the terminally uncuddly Fox News (I guess it was part of that "fair and balanced" thing). There are also dozens of stories about the increasing trend in schools to ban ALL physical contact between students, including hugging. I can understand the concern over inappropriate contact but I'm not sure banning all forms of touching and suspending elementary school students for hugging classmates is the way to go. Something about a baby and bathwater?

I'm half Italian and I'm demonstrative. In general I like hugging but like everything else it can be good or bad. My wife got home yesterday from being out of town. When I walked through the door after work and hugged her for the first time in four days it felt wonderful indeed and I didn't want to let her go. On the other hand a hug at the wrong time and/or from the wrong person and there can be some serious squirming. I had a manager a few years back that insisted on hugging every one of her employees when she handed them their paycheck. If I had liked her I wouldn't have minded so much. But she was the kind of person that made me worry that there would be a knife going between my shoulder blades during the hug so it made me just a skosh uncomfortable. Well, that plus the fact that she bought her perfume in five-gallon buckets and doused herself with it everyday so after the hug you walked away smelling like a old syphilitic french whore, but I digress.

Since this is an electronic message I could be tempted to give you all a great big CYBER HUG {{{{{{}}}}}} and tell you to pass it on. But fuck that. Step away from the computer and go give somebody a real one.