A Safe and Healthy Honeymoon

Being a health & safety professional I feel it is incumbent upon me to pass along important information that can keep you safe, not just at work but in all areas of your lives. For this reason I'd like to touch on a hazardous situation that many of us take for granted. Often we are ignorant of or outright choose to disregard the dangers of this insidious threat. The activity I'm referring to is...the Honeymoon.

Yes. I said Honeymoon.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have published a "Healthy Bride" feature on their website. Those of you planning a wedding should read this. If you have friends or loved ones who are in the stressful process of planning a wedding, share this link. The document is brief but full of valuable information that could get a marriage started without injury or illness. As an example, the experts at CDC have this to say about preparing for your honeymoon:

"Whether it's by car, plane, train, ship or foot, take steps to stay safe and healthy during your honeymoon. Plan ahead. To lower your risk for illness and injury, check health scores for cruise ships; learn about common diseases for the area if traveling abroad; get vaccinations; and pack and use sunscreen, insect repellent, and appropriate safety gear for activities (such as helmets, life jackets, and knee pads)."

(Hey, I'm just sayin'.)

If you don't believe me, click on the link and read it for yourself.

What the CDC does not say is that this is also an excellent time in your relationship to practice open and honest communication skills with your spouse-to-be. Ladies, in order to avoid any later misunderstandings or problems you should have a discussion about realistic expectations, anticipated activities, what you are packing in preparation for those activities and why. The reason for this is simple. If a guy about to go on his honeymoon walks past his wife-to-be as she's packing and sees helmets, life jackets, and knee pads there will likely be one of two reactions.

1. He's going to get REALLY excited


2. He's going to get REALLY nervous

Number 1 could lead to unrealistic expectations (okay, maybe they're not unrealistic - go you!), misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Number 2 could lead to unrealistic expectations, misunderstandings and hurt feelings, and performance anxiety. Either situation should be avoided during one's honeymoon and for that matter during one's marriage.

So folks, remember to include what happens beyond the actual wedding day in the planning and preparation. And NEVER forget the importance of communication before, during and after the wedding. It can up your chances of not only still being together 25 years from now but of still needing to pack helmets, life jackets, and knee pads...if you know what I mean.

Have a safe, healthy, and very happy wedding, honeymoon, and life together. And pack appropriately.

Update to Yesterday's Post

Looks like I didn't make the cut. This just in:

Ariz. Gov. Napolitano is pick for DHS

Ya'll better learn to hold your breath. Waiting for both these to be distributed:

And in the event you'd ever need them. I'll bet you won't see her wearing one of these. My plan would've kept Americans safe AND smiling. Come on Janet, let's see your big plans for DHS.

Health and Safety Czar

I've mentioned before that I am a health and safety professional. One aspect of my job is to protect workers from exposure to chemicals and other airborne agents. One of the ways we do that is to have the worker wear appropriate respiratory protection, that is, a respirator mask with the proper filtration media. I evaluate the potential exposure, select the respirator and filters, train the employee and ensure a proper fit for the mask on the employee's face.

I also have a background in biology and have worked in a biological containment laboratory with a variety of biological weapons agents such as Anthrax.

Because of my background I believe that I am qualified for a position in the new administration. I'm lobbying for Chief of Homeland Security. And to prove I'm a go-getter and am ready to hit the ground running I've already laid out my first big initiative.

You can stockpile all of the emergency equipment in the world but it is completely useless if it isn't readily available at the moment the disaster strikes. Seconds count. That's why, immediately after I'm sworn in I will mandate that every woman in America will be issued and required to wear one of these:

That's right. The Bra Facemask from Avocet Polymer Technologies, Inc., United States Patent Number 7,255,627. Here's the description from the patent page:

"A garment device convertible to one or more facemasks wherein the garment device has a plurality of detachable cup sections. Each of the cup sections has a filter device, an inner portion positionable adjacent to the inner area of the user's chest, and an outer portion positionable adjacent to the outer area of the user's chest. The garment device has at least one securing device detachably coupling the inner portions of the cup sections to one another, and the garment device has at least one other securing device attached to the outer portion of at least one of the cup sections. This other securing device is operable to: (a) detachably couple the outer portions of the cup regions to one another; and (b) for each one of the cup sections, attach the outer portion of said cup region to the inner portion of said cup region after said cup region is detached from the other cup region, thereby converting the garment device to a plurality of facemasks."

Got that? "A plurality of facemasks"! Think of the lives saved.

And since I'm a consummate safety and health professional, when these are distributed I will personally ensure that everyone is trained AND that their Bra Facemask has been properly fitted. Once that's taken care of we're going to have to practice, practice, practice. Having emergency equipment and procedures in place does no good if people can't use it effectively in an emergency situation. People have to practice until using this equipment is second nature. The only way to reach that level of proficiency is to repeatedly practice in a simulated emergency. That's right! We're going to DRILL BABY DRILL!!!

Regular, frequent, unannounced nation-wide drills. No matter where you are. No matter what you're doing. No matter who you're with. I want those puppies whipped off and on the faces of those around you in under five seconds! (You know I meant the masks, right?)

Through preparation and readiness the people of America will be more secure and confident, ready to face any challenge. No longer do we have to succumb to unforeseen catastrophes and languish while our dysfunctional emergency response system drops the ball again and again. We can take matters into our own hands. We can lay bare our fears. Free ourselves from the restraint that holds up our progress. We can expose ourselves to the sunlight and let ourselves breath the fresh air. America needs to smile again and I believe this program, THIS PROGRAM will make people feel good and will bring smiles to many, many faces.

Give me your support people. I'm the man for the job.

I Have a Penknife...

...therefore I am educated.

But not always real bright.

Friday March 7th. A day like any other day. Normally I have every other Monday off but since my birthday was this past weekend I arranged to take my day off on Friday so I'd have a three day weekend. I got to sleep in, wake up next to my beautiful wife and have a relaxed day of pampering. Later in the day we decided to venture out to run errands one of which involved going to Lowes home warehouse so I could pick out a new shop-vac. While there we also picked up a few other things like gardening supplies to get ready for Spring, and a new dog gate.

Since we got the ShihTzupoop for Christmas we've tried to keep her in the kitchen and family room which are non-carpeted. From this area there are two primary routes of escape. There's a doorway of normal width which goes to the dining room and a much wider doorway which goes to the entrance foyer and front door. We had one kiddie/doggie gate of normal size which functions quite well at the dining room checkpoint however we've had to improvise at the other wider, and much more heavily traveled route. This improvised barrier consisted of the ironing board (which is rarely used for its intended purpose and happily volunteered for service) laying across the doorway and backed by various other objects like a suitcase and a cardboard box. It looked remarkably like this:



The new gate is much more practical since, in addition to being wider, it actually mounts in place and has a hinged gate that opens and closes with relative ease. It is also tall enough and sturdy enough to hold back the hounds of hell so it has the added benefit of being able to keep the puppy contained should she suddenly sprout wings and fly. Here it is post installation:



So there I am on Friday evening back home from the adult-male-toystore. I'm standing in my kitchen and I decide that I'm going to put up the new gate. I remove all the pieces-parts from the package and realize that the actual gate portions of the pieces-parts are secured together presumably to keep them from rattling around in the box. They are secured together with nylon zip ties. I suppose someone at the factory thought that in the event the gate parts got high on PCP and went on a crime rampage the police would be saved a step by having them pre-handcuffed. Naturally I did what any educated (male) person who just returned form the home warehouse would do. I took out my trusty penknife.

Now here's that part where I have to issue the obligatory warning. I am a health & safety professional. I have been trained and train others to perform their work safely. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME.

Taking the penknife in my left hand and holding the gate in my right I sliced through that nylon tie wrap like it was butter. In fact the knife went through that thing so fast that it was embedded in my right hand before I ever knew what happened. It took about a half a second for two things to occur. 1) For me to register that I was cut, and 2) For the blood to start flowing like a freakin' river from the vein I hit. My middle daughter was standing there when it happened and when the blood came I'm not sure who's eyes went bigger hers or mine.



Fortunately I'm a former Emergency Medical Technician and I remembered the training. I put direct pressure on the wound, first with my bare thumb, then with a now ruined dish towel. I asked my daughter to get the first aid kit and took the opportunity to show her how to apply a proper pressure dressing. Then my wife and I had some quality alone time on a Friday night in the Emergency Room.

I actually make it sound worse than it was. I caught myself in the fleshy part of my hand between the thumb and forefinger. Since it was a stab rather than a slice the actual cut wasn't very long. But like I said, I did get a vein so because of that and the location it wasn't going to close by itself. It needed two stitches. And of course the always fun tetanus shot.

And the moral of this story is...

Though you may be educated, you may not always be smart. Or...the sign of an educated man is pointed but so is a dunce cap.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

I've mentioned before that I'm a safety professional. I think I've also mentioned that after seeing some of the really dumb-ass things people have done to hurt themselves I'm beginning to believe I'm doing humanity a disservice and that maybe we should practicing the "natural selection" approach to safety sciences. You know, remove the safeguards and allow the, uh, slowest members of the herd to fall where they may. If we could just guarantee they'd whack themselves BEFORE they reproduce.

For instance:

Man chugs liter of vodka in airport security line

He was changing planes in an airport in Germany when he was told by security that the TWO pints of Vodka he was carrying exceeded the allowable amount of liquid. Seems he REALLY did not want to give it up. So he chugged it. Then immediately went into a staggering stupor which proceeded quickly to alcohol poisoning. With the possible exception of Tequila Mockingbird I know of few who would not suffer from alcohol poisoning after chugging a liter of vodka. He did recover however since he is 64 years old he probably already has reproduced therefore there is little net effect on the gene pool.

Of course we all know there is one safeguard that will never be removed from our lives. It is a safeguard that is in place not because of sincere concerns that someone will get hurt, not because of moral or ethical responsibilities, not because of a desire to save mankind and make the world a better place. No, these safe guards are in place because corporations are scared to death of losing their asses in product liability lawsuits. I am of course talking about Warning Signs and Labels.

The reason I'm bringing this up is that I discovered a new website this morning. The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, M-LAW, holds an annual contest to find the wackiest warning sign or label. This year's winner: "Danger! Avoid Death."

The list of finalists with photos can be found at http://www.wackywarnings.com/. My personal favorite is the one on the baby stroller. Just when you thought it was safe...

Professional Responsibility

A little tidbit about myself. I am professionally certified in the field of safety & health. I'm supposed to help people do their work safely so they can return home to their loved ones at the end of the day healthy, uninjured, and in one piece. The old view was that it was the safety guy's responsibility for safety at a work site. Uh uh. It's the employer's responsibility to keep the workplace safe and it's the individual's responsibility to work safely. It's the safety guy's responsibility to be a resource to help both accomplish that. Personal responsibility you see. Something sorely lacking in our society these days and a topic you will no doubt hear a lot about if you are a regular visitor to this blog. I've been pretty fortunate to have worked with employers and employees who, generally, haven't drifted too far afield from this basic premise or their respective responsibilities. Once in a while however...



Another little tidbit about myself. In addition to being a safety & health professional, I believe in Natural Selection. These two facts sometimes come into conflict with each other.

One other thing. I also have a somewhat warped and twisted sense of humor. You'll probably see a lot of this type of picture here. Happy Friday!